Venue : Matoshree Mahal, Bandra (Budruk). Time: Battlefield.
(Rajadhiraj Udhojimaharaj is fidgeting uneasily. Suddenly he raises his four hands of the sword in the air. He mutters to himself that he must ‘practice’. In between he challenges the invisible enemy through his teeth. All this is going on. Now and again…)
Udhojiraje : (Suddenly remembering something) Who is there? (For a long time, no one comes. Because no one is available! The kings squirm.) Oh, where have all gone?
Yuvaraj Vikramaditya : (entering suddenly) All overturned there… there! Boxes in the government!!
Udhojiraje : (angrily) Mindhe Leka’s!
Yuvraj Vikramaditya : (folds his hands…) Babs…!
Udhojiraje: (concerned) Told you a thousand times Yuvraj! Don’t call us Babs!!
U. Vs. : (shrugs) OK! Saying no!! But how long will this last?
Udhojiraje : (Histfully) Until that tyrant Patshashas shows the sky! Lekache is going to show us the land! Let’s see now! It should be said that there is a conflict with this Udhoji sword! If you dare, come to the field! I will remove the bag, the bag!
U.V. : (Intellectually) But Maidana Na!! How to remove the cyst?
Udhojiraje: Let the field be found! Then show them the sky!!
U. Vs. : (quietly) Maidan not possible! BMC has informed that Mhanje!
Udhojiraje: This Mumbai is our ground, let’s say!
U. Vs. : (in bright chorus) That was a good one!! The rest of your speech yesterday was number one, babs! Kothala, Badla, Rakta, Avlad, Gochid, Ghadada, Asman, Gaddar, Khuddar, Mindhe…Solid!! Public Jam was happy!
Udhojiraje: (slightly hesitant) Something of yours! Talked like always!
U. Vs. : (curiously) By the way, gochid mhanje lich na?
Udhojiraje: (screaming with anger) Gochid say you are vile!!!
U. Vs. : Your Dussehra gathering is going to be a blast, Babs!
Udhojiraje : (remembering completely)…must be!! Where did our Sardar-Darkadar go? Where have our knights gone? Call them immediately! Say, if you are eating, come here to burn, if you are burning, come here to wipe your hands! If you are wiping your hands…
U. Vs. : (pausing) I got you, Babs!
Udhojiraje: (annoyed) Same thing again?
U. Vs. : (quietly) No Sardar is available!
Udhojiraje: (bouncing) Why? What inspired them?
U. Vs. : (Coldly folding his arms) All our chiefs have gone to look for horses!
Udhojiraje : (shocked) Horses?
U. Vs. : (eyes closed and shaking his head) You’re right…horse! In the intervening two and a half years, there are reports that our horses have run away!
Udhojiraje : (scratching his head) Arechcha, how will they escape? How did I not know? No horse, no field! How can a man fight, um?
U. Vs. : (excited) Let’s make a video game of this fight!! Gaddar XI Vs Khuddar XI!! Build your team, win prizes!! Fight, at home! How is the idea?